"Hi, my name is Chris Hughes. You've found this site because you no doubt clicked on a link from one of my many websites. I'd like to thank you for taking the time to click that thing, and, if I may, I'd like to take up just a little more of your time to tell you about something wonderful that I believe will change you life....

The love of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

What's that I hear you say? Surely a hip and trendy guy like me can't be into religion. Well I am. Indeed religion affects us all, and because the good Lord is everywhere, we are all "into religion" whether we like it or not...

The most beautiful thing about letting Jesus into your life is the feeling of completeness. Sure, I may have made millions of squillions of pounds off the internet, but without the love of the Christ, all my money, all my possessions, everything I own, would be shite.

And what's more, without the everlasting unconditional love of Jesus, I would be a cunt.

But you don't have to be rich to get into the church. Jesus doesn't care if you are wealthy. He doesn't care if you are beautiful. He will let anyone join him. Apart from fat people. They really tick Him off.

So why not take a while to think about it. Do you feel like you are missing something that money can't but. Perhaps it's Jesus.

Or, if you are missing something that money can buy, get in touch with me. I can sell you it. That's because here at the Chris.Hughes church of Love, it's our summer sale! Everything must go go go!

Jesus is everywhere we go, and in everything we do. When we go shopping, Jesus is there. When we go out for a meal, Jesus is there. But have you taken a time to think about the true extent of this? That's right. When you are having a shit, Jesus is there. Yes, and when you've run out of toilet paper, Jesus is there. And when you are using your hands to wipe, and all the poo is getting stuck under your nails, Jesus is there. And, when you stand up, and accidentally trip over on your trousers, and when you put out your hand to stop you from falling, and when your hand just slips over the wall because your hand is all covered in feeshus, and you smash your teeth on the floor, and when you put your hand to your mouth to stop the blood, and when you remember that your hand is still covered in your own filth?... that's right. Jesus is there.

So buy one of my patented "Christ Almighty dignity veils". They are guaranteed to hid you from the view of our Lord and Savior, or your money back!  Retailing in the shops at around $39-95, I can offer this product to you at the amazing price of just $34-95 (plus $5 posting and packing).

Or perhaps you want our Saviour to see you flailing around on the floor of your bathroom, with your trousers round your ankles, covered in a mixture of your own blood and excrement?

Love

The unifying love of our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ Amen is unconditional. Jesus loves everybody. And all good people will get into Heaven, regardless of race, creed, or colour. And the name won't matter. They'll be there.

But take a moment to think about this. Is this really how you want to spend eternity? Surrounded by greasy do-Gooding Johnny foreigners and people of dubious ancestral blood stock?

There is another way. Here at Chris.hughes Church of Love, we have managed to secure several VIP passes for the executive lounge suit of Heaven. This is an exclusive area of Heaven set aside only for the really beautiful people. Or people who can afford our special internet concessionary rate of just $39-95! Then, when you shuffle of this mortal coil, its straight to VIP Heaven, where you'll hob nob with the saints, chill out with the apostles, and spin tunes with the original Dj, God!

Or would you rather be in the normal area of Heaven, surrounded by the chaff? Daego's, Blacks and Paddys?!  Damnation you make me sick if you do!

Compassion

Compassion is what Jesus is all about. He will forgive your sins, for we are all sinners, and we all must seek his forgiveness. And no sin is so great that the good lord our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ in his heaven Amen to that will not forgive.

But stop for a moment and think about this. Surely you must have been wronged by someone that waiting for forgiveness simply isn't the solution? Imagine if you will, it's Friday night and you are in a Nightclub. You go into the toilets to do you dirty sinful business, and afterwards a gentleman of colour washes your hands for you, and passes you a paper towel. It is then that you notice that this bastard has a plate - similar to those passed around in our most sacred churches and places of worship - and is hoping that people pay him for his services! In a fit of outrage you knock him to the floor and tread on his stupid black face! Later on you notice that he bled on your new Gucci Suede loafers. Now are you telling me you will allow this darkie heathen bastard to wait, and eventually go to heaven and get forgiven for this! Are you?

Chris.hughes church of love proudly present the "Righteous Flame 2000". Kicking out a whopping 5k hp flame that sears into 6000 degrees Fahrenheit, this multi purpose Flame thrower offers you divine retribution, at prices that won't scorch your wallet! Imagine the look of surprise on the faces of those that wrong you, when instead of simply "turning the other cheek" you send them into eternity with a 75 ft inferno of forgiveness!

The "Righteous Flame 2000" is today's answer for the busy God fearer. Buy over the internet, and not only do you get it for the bargain price of $39-95, we'll also give you free 5l of our very own Chris.hughes church of love propane/petrol high-grade fuel of forgiveness! We're sure you'll have so much fun with the "Righteous Flame 2000" that you'll run out of people to forgive, and will have to start forgiving people whom you merely suspect may do wrong. For example Chinese people.